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Loving Your Husband In Ways He Can Feel

Men and women are different – that is a fact that you come to realize more and more the longer you are married. Their differences span through every area of life, including the area of romance.

Men and women have a different idea of romance and different ways in which they feel loved. As a wife, you have probably provided many romantic gestures that have seemed to go unnoticed by your husband, because it wasn’t romantic to him. Your husband, likewise, can spend precious time doing what he thinks will bless and romance you only to feel disappointed in the end because he doesn’t feel like you appreciate his efforts.

This can be very frustrating at times, but the solution is very simple – you need to stop showing them love the way YOU would like to receive it, and learn to show love to them in the ways that THEY can feel it!

The best way to know what gestures are most meaningful to your husband is to communicate with him and have him be the one to help you learn his own language of love and romance.

To help you do that, here is a list of ideas and suggestions to ask him about. Print off the list and have your husband check off the ones that would be the most meaningful to him. Work through the list together, and be sure to ask him questions about how it would look for you to practically put them into practice. Encourage your husband to add his own ideas to the list, if he thinks of anything that is not included here.

Try not to be critical or judgmental of his feelings or opinions, but really seek to listen to him and gain a better understanding of his views on love and romance.

Once you have a better idea of things you can do that best express love to him, be sure to make it a goal to start putting them into practice. Even just taking one item at a time and working on that during the week will do much to strengthen your relationship with your spouse.

1. Respectfully communicate with him.

2. Let him know he is important to you.

3. Purposefully try to understand his feelings -- even when you disagree with him.

4. Show interest in his friends giving him some time with them.

5. Let go of the small stuff. We all have annoying habits and preferences that are different from our spouse’s.

6. Tell him you both love him AND like him.

7. Either show interest in his hobbies or allow him space to participate freely.

8. Protect his dignity on a daily basis.

9. Be tender with him realizing he has feelings also.

10. Foster an atmosphere of laughter in your home. Look for ways to laugh together.

11. Try not to make sudden major changes without discussion, giving him time to adjust.

12. When you go out on a date together don’t bring up problems -- have fun instead.

13. Focus on what he’s doing right instead of focusing so often on the negative things.

14. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.

15. Give him special time with you apart from the children.

16. When your husband comes home, try to make the first 5-10 minutes as restful and refreshing for him as possible.

17. Tell your husband how much you respect him and appreciate all the work he does for you and the family.

18. Don’t allow others to treat him disrespectfully. Defend him to anyone that dishonors or criticizes him. Stand up for him if anyone speaks ill of him -- even if he’s not around.

19. Compliment him often.

20. Take initiative in touching him throughout the day -- brushing against him when you pass, initiating hugs and kisses, holding his hand, stroking his hair, come up behind him and wrap your arms around him, etc.

21. Talk with him about having specific family goals for each year to achieve together to feel closer as a marital team.

22. Don’t over commit yourself. Leave time for him.

23. Extend God’s grace to him and be forgiving when he offends you.

24. Find ways to show him you need him.

25. Give him time to be alone. (This energizes him to reconnect at other times.)

26. Admit your mistakes; don’t be afraid to be humble. Peel away your pride.

27. Compliment him in public and in front of his friends.

28. Respect his desire and intentions to do well -- don’t judge his performance.

29. Rub his feet or neck, or scratch his back after a hard day.

30. Take time for the two of you to sit and talk calmly (schedule it when necessary).

31. Initiate going out on romantic outings (when he’s not tired).

32. Email or text him when he’s at work, telling him how much you love him.

33. Surprise him with a fun gift of some kind that he’d really enjoy.

34. Express how much you appreciate him for working so hard to support the family.

35. Tell him how proud you are of him for who he is (giving him specific reasons).

36. Give advice in a loving way -- not in a nagging or belittling way.

37. Help your husband to be the Spiritual head at home (without “lording” it over him).

38. Reserve some energy for him so you’re not so tired when he wants you sexually.

39. Don’t expect him to do projects beyond his natural capabilities.

40. Ask him what you can help him with, instead of always giving him a list of things you want help with.

41. Take special notice for what he has done for you and the family and be sure to express your appreciation.

42. Brag about him to other people both in front of him and even when he’s not there. Brag about his accomplishments and what a great husband he is.

43. Keep conversations brief and lighthearted when he’s tired.

44. Pay attention to your appearance, keeping yourself fit, clean, and smelling nice. Wear clothes that he finds attractive. And communicate in how you dress and look that you care about his attentions and pleasure more than anyone else’s.  

45. Honor him in front of the children (differ respectfully in private when necessary).

46. Encourage him to take time to do something he enjoys.

47. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to and spend time helping him, praying with him, or just being with him (you can go back to bed afterward if you need to).

48. Be his “help-mate” in whatever ways you sense he needs it.

49. Participate in shoulder-to-shoulder activities with him (like watching a movie and such) without talking. Sometimes men just like to BE with you and not talk.

50. Be a student of his ways so you show your love in ways he best comprehends it.

51. When your husband is in a bad mood give him time to recover. Don’t crowd him.

52. Help him to finish his goals, hobbies, or education when your see he needs it.

53. Treat him as if God has stamped on his forehead: “Handle With Care.”

54. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.

55. Be kind and thoughtful to his friends and relatives. Don’t make him choose between you.

56. Don’t be negative in the way you speak about his friends or relatives. Always aim to be positive and communicate that you value them.

57. Thank him for things he’s done around the house. (It means a lot to men).

58. Don’t expect credit for all you do for him. Do it “as unto the Lord.”

59. Make sure he agrees with everything important that you’re planning to do.

60. Do little things for him -- let him sleep in, bring him coffee, etc.

61. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical in your words with him.

62. Initiate sex periodically. And respond more often..

63. Sometimes let him enjoy his day off work without having to “work” at home.

64. Get to the point in your discussions. Spare him details unless he wants them.

65. Discover his sexual needs.

66. Surprise him with a 15 second kiss when he gets home from work.

67. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out at a group function.

68. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he speaks.

69. Don’t quarrel over words.

70. Be kind and courteous with him. Don’t be kinder to strangers than you are to him.

71. When things go wrong, instead of assessing blame, focus on how to do better.

72. Don’t ever say, “I told you so.”

73. Try not to argue over money, but let him have the final say in how finances are spent.

74. Take him out on dates -- pre-planning all of the details ahead of time.

75. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him at times both at home and in public.

76. Praise his good decisions and don’t draw too much attention to his bad ones.

77. Tell him you love him more often.

78. Put love notes in his pockets and brief case.

79. Sit with him while he’s watching TV -- even if the program doesn’t interest you.

80. Don’t expect him to read your mind or understand your moods.

81. Periodically, give him time alone with his family alone. Never say anything negative about his parents. Better yet, verbally express admiration for his parents, especially his mom!

82. Check with him before you get rid of any of his papers or things.

83. Slip secret notes or letters into his suitcase when he’s going to be traveling.

84. Let him express himself freely, without fear of being criticized.

85. Carefully choose your words. Remember to “speak the truth in LOVE.”

86. Don’t criticize or disagree with him in front of others.

87. Visit his childhood home or favorite memory spots with him.

88. When you’re angry, express it in respectful ways. Don’t give the silent treatment.

89. Pray for him!

90. Make him homemade soup and wait on him when he’s sick.

91. Look your best -- dress to honor him and make him proud to be seen with you.

92. Be his best cheer leader and number one fan!

93. Don’t disagree or contradict him in front of your children.

94. Take him for a weekend get-away without the children.

95. Cheer his successes whether in business or in other areas of everyday living.

96. Graciously teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.

97. Give him coupons to redeem -- maybe for a foot massage or a shoulder rub.

98. Buy him a gift certificate to his favorite lunch spot and put it in his wallet.

99. Hide notes for him around the house where only he will find them.

100. Thank him for just being who he is – the man of your dreams!

Printable version: Loving Your Husband in Ways He Can Feel (.doc)

Also Available for Men: Loving Your Wife in Ways She Can Feel (.doc)